February 17, 2007
Special : Nancy
I found myself yesterday in a real quandary, and almost didn't want to get out of it; I almost thought I wanted to get out of life, while at the same time I knew that was not true. I got through it and last night felt a new way of thinking coming on.
Then this morning I opened an email reply from a dear friend. Part of what she shared with me in reply to my email, which began with my words above was this: “Two German words occur to me re: quandaries and wanting to get out! Not sure of the spelling, but phonetically it's "lange weile", literally "long while" translating as "boredom"!” Then she also said, “While we range in the past and the future, present time often feels like strangulation!”
My reply to my friend began with the first paragraph below, and before I got far into the next paragraph, I could feel Avenda coming in and I knew I was speaking directly from her (my higher self). I knew also that I was to take the information to another venue and send it out to the lists, which I have done. Read below what I received as I allowed the information to flow.
Boy, have you hit it on the head with your words 'lange weile'! Seeing the word boredom pop up in front of me hit home. Amazingly this RV life fits that description, and takes the usual thought of boredom to another level. I feel that the boredom I was feeling is on a deeper level that just the things I do in my life, the people I associate with on a day-to-day basis. It goes to a depth where overall our life is standing still, and not what we are used to.
I think that is part of what these new energies are all about. We are learning to leave the old ideas of busyness behind and inviting in the new way of living in peace and joy without having to 'do' anything to provide that feeling in our lives. Sometimes we balk at that energy and try to hold on to the outmoded idea that we have to do something to not be bored, that we have to have something to show for our time-spent other than a face aglow reflecting the joy in our hearts and souls.
This is a time in all of our lives when we are given treasures to store in our new closets to take out and shake the wrinkles out of and wear them for the world to see. That is how you 'do' it, by just being it. By knowing that when we are being it we are sharing the best of who we are. We are presenting ourselves to the world as the beautiful beings that we are, and in so doing we are allowing anyone who wants to, to accept and recognize that, not by asking anyone to see it.
What we have collected in our new closets are the results of what we release during the times when we take ourselves to our closets and close the door, wanting to be alone, or gone, or not of this world. For we know that we are going through this right now, some in stages, some all at once, according to what our higher-being knows we can handle. When we go to those closets we put some of the old clothes on the hangers; that is the first step to re-evaluation of that which we have been wearing up till now.
When we come out of that closet refreshed and feeling lighter, then we reach out and decide what to wear today. We take out that which we have put on the hanger and look at it. Sometimes we put it in the divine garbage bag to be transmuted, and sometimes we watch as the light of day drifts in and transforms the garment to Light, and then we wear it for we can see the reflection of our inner light contained within every fiber of the fabric. We wear it, and it fits so well, it makes us feel so good, and that radiance shines out for anyone to see. It doesn't shout out, "Look! See how beautiful I am!" It says in a gentle whisper, "I love us all."
Yesterday I went into my closet and involved myself in the feelings that came up from w-a-a-a-a-ay back. I knew on one level that I would be back in the light and that I would come out of this fine and dandy. On another level, I didn't want to be where I was, and I didn't want to be anywhere else. I didn't want to even try to have the positive thoughts that would help me to come back to a good feeling; it was like my cousin used to say, "I couldn't want to care."
But I did care. And when I was able to take the time to feel all of the feelings that came up as bile from my depths of other lives memories, translated into ideas of today’s life, I was able to then ask for a sign, some help to understand and put this in a positive and clear perspective. I was given that gift. I was given what I needed to make sense of the whole thing. I picked a medicine card, which I haven't done much in the past few years, and got ‘Whale’, which stands for record keeper, and it fit. It fit and it made sense with what I was going through.
I put that feeling about writing the story of my first lifetime on earth on a hanger and I allowed myself to say I don't have to write it. Then the whale card fit as I took it off the hanger, and I came out of my closet and the joy in life began to flow back. I even sat at my computer and wrote some more on the book, to see how it would feel, and it felt fine. I wasn't threatened by it, and I didn't push myself into writing more than I felt comfortable with. Then I shared a yummy supper with the man I love, put in a DVD, and listened to, watched, and sang along with Yanni and his marvelous band.
What I didn't do was to go back and revisit those past feelings of the day. They were gone, and I felt comforted. I went to sleep feeling good. I awoke this morning from a dream in which a beautiful, gentle deer took my hand and led me down a path to a gate, where he left me and walked up the hill and stood beside a tree. He looked back at me for a few moments with love emanating from him to me. After immersing myself in his extreme love, I knew that someday he would be back and would never leave. The love I felt from that deer was so complete, so gentle that I knew I could get through anything by remembering that feeling and knowing that I had been visited by the dearest thing there is, the Love of the Creator, the All. I looked up deer in my medicine cards, and sure enough, the deer represented gentleness. As well, the message to accept things as they are and not try to change those you love is part of deer medicine.
Today I feel very good. I feel that because I got through yesterday’s 'hiding in the closet' I can now go on and live my life in a lighter way. I know there may be more closet days and more decisions about what to keep and what to throw out, what fits and what doesn't. I also know that I don't have to try and change things in my life. I know that being in acceptance of what is can bring clarity and gifts from our inner spirit that will fit perfectly.
As I began to write this in response to an email I received from a dear friend, I could feel my higher expression surging through my heart and into my hands as my fingers tapped out the words that I used to convey that which came flowing from within. I knew that I wanted to share them with all of you, for I knew that there would be some of you who would say, "That's just what I was feeling, and I thought I was the only one; I thought I was going crazy!" You aren't going crazy; you are coming back to life and the light from which you took a hiatus all those eons ago. Welcome back, and don’t be afraid of the closets of life. There aren’t many left, and you can make exactly what you want them to be, sanctuaries where truth can be born.