Wakeup Call Message
February 02, 2004
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 IN SEARCH OF SPIRIT

The early years - 1944 to 1961

Sananda asked us to write our stories. Bob T asked me to write somethingfor the Morning Wake Up Call. I came up with the idea to tell my story and hope it will encourage others to do the same, so we can realize we are not alone.

We Lightworkers all seem to have been thrust into families and groups of peoplewho are non-believers. This was no accident. Even though they now think we are totally out to lunch, have a few screws loose, and are just a bunch of nuts, maybe like Planters Mixed Nuts, they will one day realize we spoke truth and were placed among them to guide them into the future, and to help them wake up.

This will be done in a three part series, about 20 years in each one. Several things very profound happened in each 20 year period that helped guide me to where I am today. I have come a very long way from the early years.

One event. I almost drowned when I was four years old. I had an NDEÖNear Death Experience. I saw myself floating in the water. I wondered how that was even possible. I didnít learn the answer to that question until I was about 33 years old.

I am the 8th child of 11 children. The 9th one died in infancy. We were born between May 1931 to October 1952 in three separate groups, in three eras, early Depression, WWII, Korean War. It was like three separate families within one family.

As far back as I can remember, I have felt I was on the outside looking in. I never felt I belonged . Maybe you have felt that way. Believe me, you are not alone. I have heard many others say this as well.

When I was younger, I was extremely shy, so much so that it affected my gradesin school. Getting up in front of the class or group struck sheer terror in me. Even speaking up in class was frightening. My older brothers and sisters got good grades. I was average. I was forever being called by one of my three older sisters names in school, and was often compared to the others, and found lacking.

On hide sight, I realize most of my younger years were fraught with confusion and misinformation from every turn. There was no truth in our education system. It wasbetter than it is now, but didnít teach us what we needed to know.

There was also no truth to be found in the various churches I attended. Two mainones in particular. Mostly what I remember is my parents tub of war over which of their churches we should attend, since her family were Primitive Baptist and his were Methodist. Through friends, I attended a few others. Again, no answers, just more confusion. It was about restriction. Being told no, you canít, donít, forbidden.  I tuned out the hell fire and damnation shouted from the pulpits of hers in particular. His was more like a social event. I rather enjoyed it from that perspective because my parents were very strict. About the only places we were allowed to go was to school and church functions. School dances were off limits though. There was also a local public swimming pool in the summer. And one movie theater and a drive in. The drive in was also off limits, except with family which was very rare.

I mentioned before that spanking didnít work on me. My parents forbid me to go toplay with the neighborsÖall boys. I refused to accept their , ďbecause I said so.Ē I went anyway. I became a rebel with a cause. I needed reasons for why I was being restricted. I didnít get them. This is the rest of the story. My oldest sister got pregnant when she was a Senior in high school and had to get married. She was actually escaping being a surrogate mother for the other kids, and doing cooking, dishwashing, housework and laundry because our mother worked. The oldest girl took on that role in stair step, until it got passed to me in my Junior year in high school. I had no one else to share the load because the two youngest were too young to be much help, so it was all mine to do alone, plus be a live-in baby sitter. At the time, it never occurred to me they were trying to protect me from making the same mistake she did. They went about it all wrong.

My second oldest sister, the forth oldest child, had polio from the age of 18 months. Her illness had a major impact on the family in many different ways. She was in the hospital for many months at a time. She wore braces on her leg for many years so she could walk. She never dated until she got to college and finally married, but not while she was at home. The oldest three left home in 1951. They all three dated, and married young within months of each other. I now think the two boys were escaping as well.

The three just older than me, a girl and twin boys, also didnít date while they lived at home, not sure why they didnít. The twins were very involved in first Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, then Explorer Scouts. By todayís stereo typing they would be considered geeks or nerds. They were on the Honor Roll frequently. Smart kids werenít made fun of back then like they are now. They were admired, even envied. They didnít go out for football or basketball but were on the swimming team. She was the manager of the girlís swimming team.

I did babysitting for other people for pay and my younger siblings for free. In high school I did without lunch so I could have spending money. I started dating as a Freshman, someone I met at church. You would have thought the world had just come to an end. The restrictions came down on me with a vengeance. At no time was I told why I was receiving these restriction when the other three didnít get them and were allowed to go many places. The three older kids had also been allowed to go places.

The second profound thing that happened during this time was the summer I worked at a church camp before my Senior year in high school. Various church groups would come there for a week. In our off hours we would listen to some of them. One in particular affected me profoundly. I listened to the tragic story of a woman who was in an auto accident. She lost her husband and sister in the accident. She was sitting between them when she regained consciousness and saw they were both dead. Nothing that tragic had ever happened to me before. Some people want to blame God for the loss of a loved one, she instead turned to God and Jesus for healing. Itís the first concept I had of faith being useful for anything.

You could say I had a experience that many never have. I felt the very presence of God, and Jesus as I knew Him to be then. I felt and saw a brilliant light fill up the room, and an incredible sense of peace came over me. I broke down and cried like I had lost my dearest friend in the world, but Iím a crier, I cry when Iím happy, sad, angry, whatever. But that experience changed the way I looked at the world. That having faith in God could be a good thing, not something oppressive and restricting.

I have since felt I was guided by an unseen hand to do the right thing, even when I was tempted to do something self destructive.

I had many temptations put in my path over the years that could have sent me down a very different road to self destruction. Had I not had this experience I probably would have taken one or all of them. I cringe to think what might have been.

I still had a long way to go to get to where I am today, but it was a start.

Love, Peace and Harmony,

Cara McKennon