SEARCH OF SPIRIT
early years - 1944 to 1961
asked us to write our stories. Bob T asked me to
write somethingfor the Morning Wake Up Call. I came up
with the idea to tell my story and hope it will
encourage others to do the same, so we can realize we
are not alone.
Lightworkers all seem to have been thrust into families
and groups of peoplewho are non-believers. This was no
accident. Even though they now think we are totally out
to lunch, have a few screws loose, and are just a bunch
of nuts, maybe like Planters Mixed Nuts, they will one
day realize we spoke truth and were placed among them to
guide them into the future, and to help them wake up.
will be done in a three part series, about 20 years in
each one. Several things very profound happened in each
20 year period that helped guide me to where I am today.
I have come a very long way from the early years.
event. I almost drowned when I was four years old. I had
an NDEÖNear Death Experience. I saw myself floating in
the water. I wondered how that was even possible. I
didnít learn the answer to that question until I was
about 33 years old.
am the 8th child of 11 children. The 9th one died in
infancy. We were born between May 1931 to October 1952
in three separate groups, in three eras, early
Depression, WWII, Korean War. It was like three separate
families within one family.
far back as I can remember, I have felt I was on the
outside looking in. I never felt I belonged . Maybe you
have felt that way. Believe me, you are not alone. I
have heard many others say this as well.
I was younger, I was extremely shy, so much so that it
affected my gradesin school. Getting up in front of the
class or group struck sheer terror in me. Even speaking
up in class was frightening. My older brothers and
sisters got good grades. I was average. I was forever
being called by one of my three older sisters names in
school, and was often compared to the others, and found
hide sight, I realize most of my younger years were
fraught with confusion and misinformation from every
turn. There was no truth in our education system. It
wasbetter than it is now, but didnít teach us what we
needed to know.
was also no truth to be found in the various churches I
attended. Two mainones in particular. Mostly what I
remember is my parents tub of war over which of their
churches we should attend, since her family were
Primitive Baptist and his were Methodist. Through
friends, I attended a few others. Again, no answers,
just more confusion. It was about restriction. Being
told no, you canít, donít, forbidden.
I tuned out the hell fire and damnation shouted
from the pulpits of hers in particular. His was more
like a social event. I rather enjoyed it from that
perspective because my parents were very strict. About
the only places we were allowed to go was to school and
church functions. School dances were off limits though.
There was also a local public swimming pool in the
summer. And one movie theater and a drive in. The drive
in was also off limits, except with family which was
mentioned before that spanking didnít work on me. My
parents forbid me to go toplay with the neighborsÖall
boys. I refused to accept their , ďbecause I said
so.Ē I went anyway. I became a rebel with a cause. I
needed reasons for why I was being restricted. I
didnít get them. This is the rest of the story. My
oldest sister got pregnant when she was a Senior in high
school and had to get married. She was actually escaping
being a surrogate mother for the other kids, and doing
cooking, dishwashing, housework and laundry because our
mother worked. The oldest girl took on that role in
stair step, until it got passed to me in my Junior year
in high school. I had no one else to share the load
because the two youngest were too young to be much help,
so it was all mine to do alone, plus be a live-in baby
sitter. At the time, it never occurred to me they were
trying to protect me from making the same mistake she
did. They went about it all wrong.
second oldest sister, the forth oldest child, had polio
from the age of 18 months. Her illness had a major
impact on the family in many different ways. She was in
the hospital for many months at a time. She wore braces
on her leg for many years so she could walk. She never
dated until she got to college and finally married, but
not while she was at home. The oldest three left home in
1951. They all three dated, and married young within
months of each other. I now think the two boys were
escaping as well.
three just older than me, a girl and twin boys, also
didnít date while they lived at home, not sure why
they didnít. The twins were very involved in first Cub
Scouts, Boy Scouts, then Explorer Scouts. By todayís
stereo typing they would be considered geeks or nerds.
They were on the Honor Roll frequently. Smart kids
werenít made fun of back then like they are now. They
were admired, even envied. They didnít go out for
football or basketball but were on the swimming team.
She was the manager of the girlís swimming team.
did babysitting for other people for pay and my younger
siblings for free. In high school I did without lunch so
I could have spending money. I started dating as a
Freshman, someone I met at church. You would have
thought the world had just come to an end. The
restrictions came down on me with a vengeance. At no
time was I told why I was receiving these restriction
when the other three didnít get them and were allowed
to go many places. The three older kids had also been
allowed to go places.
second profound thing that happened during this time was
the summer I worked at a church camp before my Senior
year in high school. Various church groups would come
there for a week. In our off hours we would listen to
some of them. One in particular affected me profoundly.
I listened to the tragic story of a woman who was in an
auto accident. She lost her husband and sister in the
accident. She was sitting between them when she regained
consciousness and saw they were both dead. Nothing that
tragic had ever happened to me before. Some people want
to blame God for the loss of a loved one, she instead
turned to God and Jesus for healing. Itís the first
concept I had of faith being useful for anything.
could say I had a experience that many never have. I
felt the very presence of God, and Jesus as I knew Him
to be then. I felt and saw a brilliant light fill up the
room, and an incredible sense of peace came over me. I
broke down and cried like I had lost my dearest friend
in the world, but Iím a crier, I cry when Iím happy,
sad, angry, whatever. But that experience changed the
way I looked at the world. That having faith in God
could be a good thing, not something oppressive and
have since felt I was guided by an unseen hand to do the
right thing, even when I was tempted to do something
had many temptations put in my path over the years that
could have sent me down a very different road to self
destruction. Had I not had this experience I probably
would have taken one or all of them. I cringe to think
what might have been.
still had a long way to go to get to where I am today,
but it was a start.
Peace and Harmony,