August 05, 2008                

 

 

 Nancy

 

Two nights ago in the midst of a southwest monsoon thunderstorm, with Toshiro clamoring for safety in my lap from the clapping of the thunder and the falling rain, I watched a movie, ‘Even Almighty’. I was reminded of how our lives are so entwined with the Almighty.

 

I had only a couple hours earlier realized that at the end of my relationship with a man in 1998 I had previously sold my only means of transportation, a 1976 motorhome. I had thought that the man and I would be in relationship forever. It ended through his choice, and there I was with no means by which to leave and be able to take my dog, Lobo with me. Then my sister in Oregon offered to come to NM and get me and take her back home with her; I thankfully agreed, for I had discovered that to take my dog on a flight back to Maine was not a reasonable opportunity.

 

From that decision came the opportunity to use the extra vehicle that they had while I was there, then to go across country with my sister to my hometown to be there when my mother had surgery and to see her recover. While there I had Mom’s vehicle to use. When I left to return to AZ I was invited to stay with friends, was given the use of the car, a Ford Taurus, of another dear friend and went to work for 5 months till my house back in Maine sold. I then went back to close on the house, and while there I bought a car from a friend who had taken very good care of the extra car he decided to sell. I drove that car back to AZ and four years later gave it up in the purchase of the RV and truck that Bob and I entered into at the beginning of our time together.

 

When I left that relationship recently I did so taking the car, another Ford Taurus, that we had purchased together; that left him without a vehicle, for we had weeks before that relinquished the truck and RV. I knew I had to leave and though I knew that it would leave him without a vehicle, in my estimation my health issues superceded that of his needing a vehicle.

 

After I had been back in Bisbee for about a week, I was at the cassita cleaning. When I realized that the monsoon rains were prolonged I knew that I had better leave to go back to my friend’s home where I was staying.

 

Too late! The rains had already made a rushing river of the first wash I came to. I sat for a few minutes deciding if I could make it through the rushing waters. I decided I could, and I barely did. Then there was the next place to go through, and it too was rushing. I knew I couldn’t go back, so I proceeded through, only to stall out in the midst of it. After a few minutes and a rushed cell phone call to my friend for reassurance, I was able to get through and sat for a few minutes to give my car the rest, and so too my beating heart, and feelings of “I shouldn’t have done it in the first place!”

 

I am now awaiting the insurance company’s decision on the repair of the car and am using the extra vehicle of a friend here. Whatever the outcome of the car situation, I know that I will come through. I am now settled into the cassita, which, by the way, used to belong to a dear friend who has moved to Iowa, and where I have experienced some remarkable experiences of healing in the years past. Toshiro has a fenced in yard in which to play and have his freedom.

 

In this writing, I am not seeking to justify what I did concerning the vehicle situation. I am presenting what is to me a karmic playout, and perhaps more than that. Perhaps it is a clearer understanding of what karma really is. It can be considered a playout of similar circumstances that have come to resolution. I was amazed at how similar this circumstance is to the other one. Is there any need to blame in these circumstances? I say not. There is only what has occurred and been experienced through choices that have been made.

 

All parties concerned, on a soul level, have agreed to play their parts in all karma. I also realized last night as I sat watching the sunset and the clouds make their changes in the language of earthlife, that karma is universal. All that anyone has created karmicly has been experienced to one degree or another by all of existence. Everyone and everything affects the whole.

 

I watched ‘Evan Almighty’ two nights ago night; I chose to bring it with me, not because I felt it would give me a message, but because I liked it and knew that I would be entertained to view it again. As I watched it I was reminded that God, Spirit is behind everything that we do. All that comes to us and is taken from us is played out in the way of what teaches us about God, about our Spirit.

 

That takes all of the judgment out of anything that we do. As I sit here in better health than I have experienced in three years and in a situation that, though it brings me some challenges, is both rewarding and fulfilling and brings me joy, I found myself being as a child again even before watching the movie. I have found myself giggling at the little pieces of life that bring me joy. I have found that the true blessings are in the people, and the animals and all earth life. I have been reminded of how to enjoy life from a perspective of what is real and doesn’t change, only according to our perspective and the seasons of life.

 

I am also reminded that we have to live according to what we feel in the moment. We have to set aside what is old news, and what seemed to work for us in the past. It can no longer work if we take our power and give it to someone else, or some other situation other than that which we know to be nurturing to us. We do no favors for anyone in those situations. That I know for a fact.

 

As of this writing I am still relying on the library computers for accessing my email. I should be online at home in the next couple of days. I will have to wait till that time in order to post this to the ‘tree’. The monsoon rains are still coming down, washing away the old stuff that has been holding us in the energies of the past. Though I have memories of when I was here before, now it is with today’s energies that I begin my life here in this sweet spot of AZ, making it all new for me and for Toshiro.

 

Toshiro began his life just up the road from here, and he feels the familiar energy and is glad to be here. He’s not in the same living space as he was, and that is the newness of his being here, for it is all new. Realize that with all of you who are still in the place you began this journey, or who have returned from whence you came to this life. It is all new for you now. That is the challenge that we all are meeting now. And it is grand. I recognize that life for me here in Bisbee is different, and I welcome the changes, for it is grand. I am renewing old acquaintances and making new ones. It is all grand!

 

Thank you for being You.

Love,

  Nancy